Secret Life's dialogue is atrocious. The acting is absurd (even Molly Ringwald can't keep this sinking ship afloat). The situations are unbelievable and characters seem to suffer mood swings and become irrationally angry at the turn of dime. While it does make one question what universe executive producer Brenda Hampton lives in, it still makes for so-bad-its-good TV at its finest.
Recap of Season Two Premiere
It seems "breasts" was the magic word on this episode and they were used as a vehicle throughout the story. In this episode, Anne finds out she's pregnant, but is unsure if the father is her soon-to-be ex-husband or her new boyfriend. Ben becomes even more jealous of Ricky and tells Amy he wants to have sex with her. Grace loses her virginity to Jack, despite Adrian's vigorous efforts to stop it (why she cares still is not clear, but why this show is on the air is not entirely clear either). Amy continues being moody and whining, since these seem to be her only character traits. Ricky tells off Adrian's estranged father in an epic monologue that comes completely from left field. Ben's dad starts dating Betty, the Internet prostitute Tom hired back in Season One (played by the always delightful Jennifer Coolidge, who must really have some bills to pay). Its all wrapped up nicely and neatly in a bow when we find out Grace's father has passed away in some random plane crash.
So Bad, Its Good
The writers on this episode might have benefited from a couple courses in creative writing. The weaknesses in the writing were so apparent in this episode that it evokes shock and awe that teenagers actually find this script to be both realistic and an accurate representation of their lives. There were several moments when the reaction elicited from the audience could really not be anything but the opposite of what they actually intended. Examples:
Amy calls her mother fat in an effort to get her to admit her pregnancy. Anne huffs off and says she'd "Rather be pregnant than eat soup and be fat!"
Adrian's Sermon on the Mount about Grace retaining her virginity until marriage was a classic. Number one, since when does Adrian care (especially since she "serviced" Grace's boyfriend previously) and why is she suddenly able to offer such sage advice? Adrian tells Grace that although she loves Jack now, it may not last forever and high school relationships are just that. Yes, Adrian, that is great advice, but have the writers decided to inject a brain in her just now? She has spent the entire premiere season having sex with a slew of boys, and now she's preaching on what not to do. Okay.
So It Continues
When entering the restaurant and running into Betty and Ben's dad, Ashley seems to know right away that Betty is a prostitute. Betty has no outward appearance of one, and certainly bears no scarlet letter on her chest. For a girl in junior high school, Ashley is certainly perceptive. Or maybe psychic. And also, what's with Ashley and George coming home "just after midnight"? Anne asserts she won't help Amy with her fussy child, citing the time as the issue, but Ashley and George have just returned home from their night out. Who keeps their 13-year-old out after midnight on a school night?
Another inconsistency was when Ricky told off Reuben, Adrian's long lost dad, after he barred the two of them from having sex. His speech was right, Reuben had been hurtful by staying out of Adrian's life. But how come Ricky and Adrian are now the voices of reason? The two nymphos on the show who do nothing but have sex and make poor decisions (such as getting 15-year-old girls pregnant) are now sage and wise. They must have taken some marriage and family counseling intensive courses during the show's hiatus.
Throughout this episode, George and Mimsy complain about Amy and Anne showing "off their figures". Amy, with her new nursing boobs, is practically popping out of her plain T, but her father warns her not to wear it to school. You know, when you show a little cleavage, you're automatically going to get pregnant, well according to George anyway.
Then there's the death scene, which was by far the best of the worst tonight. When Grace and Tom walk in in tears, Grace announces that "everything is okay, she just had sex." As if your parents want to hear that? Plus, narcissistic much? Since Grace's dad was very opposed to her having premarital sex, Tom points to Grace saying that "She killed him". What follows is a montage of all the characters telling one another about the death, but in the most unnatural way possible. Ricky plays a guessing game with Adrian "There was a plane crash." As Adrian has a momentary heart-attack (her mother is a stewardess), he assures her "No, its not your mother," but does not reveal who. Each character goes on like this until every major character has been told. But in reality, how many of those characters even had a mere scene with Grace's Dad besides Grace and Jack? It seems to affect the entire cast of characters gravely, but the writers apparently also suffer from amensia.
Keep Watching?
This season looks like its going to be just as horrible as the first. Those less inclined to like trashy TV or don't have time to enjoy something serious as an unintentional parody (perhaps Secret Life is really just seriously misunderstood) might want to skip it. If you're an avid fan of such classics as Showgirls for its camp over its genuine efforts, you might just find a place in your heart for this show.
WHAT: Secret Life of the American Teenager
WHEN: 8pm, Monday Evenings
WHERE: ABC Family
WHO: Starring: Molly Ringwald, Shailene Woodley, Daren Kagasoff, Ken Bauman, Francia Raisa, India Eisley, Megan Park, Steve Schirripa and Mark Derwin Produced by: Brenda Hampton
HOW: Who Knows
RUN TIME: 1 hour each episode
